Why you aren’t getting the big O

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Clement Manyathela speaks to Obstetrician-Gynaecologist Dr Mpume Zenda about sex and orgasms.

With the world revolving and the growing power of social media and general representation, conversations centring around sex is shifting for the better, with a growing number of women speaking up about the frustrations they have with not being able to experience the well-lauded yet under-documented female orgasm.

Clement Manyathela speaks to Obstetrician-Gynaecologist Dr Mpume Zenda about sex and orgasms.

A big part of this conversation stems around the concepts and ideas on the orgasm gap.

Put succinctly, Dr Zenda describes the orgasm gap as being the frequency or number of times a singular person experiences an orgasm during their lifetime, with studies (and now, general knowledge) showing that heterosexual women experience far fewer orgasms than their heterosexual male counterparts.

As a point of interest, Clement Manyathela highlights a study that states that 95% of straight men reach climax during sex whilst only 65% of straight women are able to achieve the same feat.

So why is this? Are women just cursed or are straight men the ones to blame after all?

Well, it is a little more nuanced than blame games and biological curses.

Zenda argues that most women only experience orgasms from clitoral stimulation as opposed to direct penetration.

Sex, however, is popularly centred around male pleasure while disregarding the importance of female pleasure: women are meant to pleasure men and that should be their pleasure.

It is no surprise, then, that a lack of understanding seems to be a paramount reason why so many women do not climax during penetrative sex, which Zenda notes as both a social, cultural and structural issue.

Many people do not seem to understand the importance of the clitoral stimulation that women need to achieve climax as well as the relationship that emotional connection has with physical pleasure.

Education is also to blame, with the lack of quality sex education being highlighted. When sex is taught in schools, it is often directly related to the dangers of sex as opposed to the joys of sex and the pleasure principle.

If people do not understand pleasure, their bodies and their anatomy (divorced from scientific biology), then how are they meant to know how to climax?

Find out more on that in the clip below.

This article first appeared on 702 : The orgasm gap: Why you aren’t getting the big O


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