Where the End Goal is Not Orgasm

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Sex may permeate our popular culture, but conversations about it are still associated with stigma and shame in Indian households. As a result, most individuals dealing with sexual health issues or trying to find information about sex often resort to unverified online sources or follow the unscientific advice of their friends.

To address the widespread misinformation about sex, News18.com is running this weekly sex column, titled ‘Let’s Talk Sex’, every Friday. We hope to initiate conversations about sex through this column and address sexual health issues with scientific insight and nuance.

The column is being written by Sexologist Prof (Dr) Saransh Jain. In today’s column, Dr Jain explains tantric sex.

The concept of tantric sex came from ideas around tantra, with a focus on spiritualism. Tantric sex is slow and meditative where the end goal is not orgasm but enjoying the sexual journey and sensations of the body. It aims to move sexual energy throughout the body for healing, transformation and enlightenment.

Like yoga, tantra is all about physical and spiritual awareness. When you learn and practice tantra, you become more in-tune with your body, what gives it pleasure, and the way it feels pleasure.

How Can You Have Tantric Sex?

Tantric sex is less about how to reach orgasm quickly and more about prolonging the experience for intense pleasure. You shouldn’t focus too closely on your orgasm instead, extend the foreplay as much as possible before bringing sex to a natural end. It can be difficult for some people, particularly men, to delay orgasm, but it is possible. This can be accomplished through a variety of methods such as meditation, breathing exercises and massage. Follow the below tips for getting it right the first time.

Set the room

Spend time preparing the room for you and your partner. To get the most out of the experience, light some scented candles, turn off your phone, and devote at least two hours to your partner. Start in the living room if you have the option, and spend time with each other in a location other than the bedroom. Remove any distractions and add romantic lights and music.

Loosen your body

Prepare yourself for tantric sex by meditating alone or with your partner before entering the room. Before you begin, shake your limbs to energise yourself, as the practise is all about moving energy through the body.

Sit face-to-face

Sit face-to-face with one partner on the other’s lap in the traditional Yab-Yum tantric position. Wrap your hands around each other tightly and press your bodies against one another. This type of skin-to-skin contact increases intimacy. For few moments, stay in this position, breathe deeply, and be present. If the Yab-Yum position isn’t comfortable, lay down with your partner and look into their eyes.

Stay away from bed

If you’re having tantric sex, try to stay away from your bed, even if that’s where you usually have it. This will trigger the sleep button in your brain. Get comfortable by lying on the floor with your partner using some cushions.

Stimulate the senses

Dedicate time to stimulating your and your partner’s senses. Sight is the most powerful of the senses. It is important you look good and feel good. To trigger the sense of smell, use sensual oils or candles with scents like rose and jasmine. To kick things off, you could also sing to your partner or play their favourite song and dance.

Look into your partner’s eyes

After stimulating each other’s senses and enjoying slow and mindful foreplay, look into your partner’s eyes and breathe together. Place your left hand on your partner’s heart. They should do the same to you. Match each other’s breathing for at least two minutes.

Slow down foreplay

With tantric sex, you’re actively trying to not place importance on orgasm, and instead enjoy a deeply intimate experience. Take your time and leisurely make your way around their body. Try a variety of gestures like firm massage, light feathery touches and gentle stroking. The aim here is to heighten your lover’s senses in a slow and intense way so that you’re building them up to a peak but stopping just short of orgasm.

Take things slow

An important part of tantra is learning to feel and experience everything more deeply. And the way to do that is to go slow. Don’t rush; relax and enjoy every second of the practice. You should avoid any sex positions that you know make you reach orgasm easily. Work towards a gradual build-up of pleasure. The slower you go, the more intense the orgasm will be in the end.

Slow down your breathing

Slow down your breathing as you both approach climax for a more intense and longer orgasm. This may seem illogical, because most of us breathe faster as we approach climax. Women, in particular, can tense up at this stage. Instead, relax your tummy and take long, slow deep breaths, your orgasm will last longer and will be more intense.

It takes time to get a grip on tantric sex because we’re all used to sex in a western way. Tantric sex is a meditative sexual practice that encourages people to focus on mind-body connections. This can lead to fulfilling sexual experiences and greater intimacy.

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