A Phone Sex Operator Shares Tips for Mastering Dirty Talk

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After getting off the phone with Shadow Priest, I take a deep breath and mutter, “Phew. Flustered, flustered, flustered.”

Our relatively vanilla conversation wasn’t Shadow Preist’s usual phone call fare, and he is anything but a religious figure fixated on salvation. Shadow Priest is a phone sex operator specializing in getting guys off with the sound of his low baritone voice and masculine dominance.

The portion of the conversation that got me flustered, knocking me off my professional groove, was asking Shadow Preist to give me a taste of the voice his clients hear when calling his NiteFlirt hotline for some personalized attention. That’s when his voice got dangerously low, clearly enough to make anyone lose their religion and relent to the dark side of desire.

If anyone is an expert on the power of voice and sexual suggestion, it’s Shadow Preist. Not only has he been a professional phone sex worker for 13 years, but he’s also a certified clinical hypnotist, using the power of suggestion to help submissive men channel their desire. And the power of his skills is strong. During our call, he tells me about this one time he hypnotized a play partner, making her orgasm by playing with a clit he “placed” on her forehead.

If you want to up your dirty talk skills, there’s no one better than Shadow Preist to consult. Here’s his expert advice on how to make your partner get all flustered with just the sound of your voice.


How did you get into this profession?

I was already a BDSM Master—basically, a person who takes the lead in a kinky sex scene—and a girlfriend who had been involved in phone sex on Niteflirt recommended it, so I gave it a try. Gay guys have always loved me, so “gay guys looking for a BDSM Master” was my natural niche. I got a good response and decided to stick around.

What makes someone “good” at talking dirty?

Listening. The first thing to do is listen to your partner’s fantasies. What do they think about when they fantasize? What words do they use? Paying attention to your partner is the most basic and most important skill.

What’s your #1 tip for someone who wants to improve their bedroom talk?

Think VAK: visual, auditory, and kinesthetic. Describe things in terms of what they see, hear, and feel. When you use all three, you create an immersive world.

How does someone channel a sexy voice?

First, relax your body and speak from your belly. The voice is an instrument, and we can all learn to play it. The key is resonance, and resonance happens when the body relaxes. I like using yoga’s Warrior Pose to stretch the muscles from the hips to the throat. It really helps open the voice and give it greater resonance. Second, slow down. Nothing in sex is a race, so take your time. Third, get confident. When someone is enthusiastically consenting to a sexual conversation with you, you already know they want you. Let that feed your confidence.

What’s something almost everyone likes to hear from dirty talk?

“Yeah, that’s right.”

While fantasies vary greatly, letting people know when they’re on the right track helps them relax into the moment. You can also use affirmation to train your partner by giving them affirmation when they’re doing something that works for you. They’ll become more confident, you’ll have more fun, and that becomes a positive feedback loop.

What’s the biggest mistake people make when talking dirty?

Clamming up about what they really want. Look, I’ve got two balls, but neither of them are crystal. I can’t bring your fantasies to life if you don’t share them with me. Open up and we can have a lot of fun.

On the other side, when you’re leading the conversation, the biggest mistake is not listening. Resist having an agenda and prioritize being in the moment with your partner.

How can a person become more comfortable talking dirty in the bedroom?

Deliberate practice. Let’s get real, you’re not going to read the perfect book and suddenly become a Cassanova. It takes practice, and it takes failing and being willing to fail. Those who can take the risk of making a fool of themselves can master many things, but that’s the price. So get in there, start doing it, and pay attention to the results you’re getting. Notice your partner’s reaction, then do more of what works and less of what doesn’t. Gradually, you get better. It’s like they say in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu: “A black belt is just a white belt who never quit.”

Do you have a go-to line when you don’t know what to say?

“What do you think about when you touch yourself?” Again, their fantasies are fodder for great sex talk.

What should you do if there are awkward moments?

Breathe. Center yourself. Remain calm. It’s only sex. This is play. As you do that and relax, you can drift back to something that was working earlier or try out something new.

Once and for all: Should men moan?

If they like, absolutely. What they shouldn’t do is force it because they shouldn’t be acting. Acting, or faking it, just isn’t conducive to a great time for anyone. Even as a professional, I’ve learned that I do my best when I stick to what’s natural for me.

How do you ask for consent when talking dirty without ruining the vibe?

I like to talk a bit before we really get into it to see what they’re into. If there’s going to be anything that would be somewhat “out there” during the scene, it’s best to discuss it then. But if you’re already in the scene and you’re feeling like it could go a given way, you could phrase it as a possibility, not as an action. Something like, “You’re such a naughty slut, tell me something, do you need…?” is much better than “And then I bend you over and…”

Why do you think phone sex is still popular in the digital age?

Connection. You can only watch porn in a dark room for so long before you remember that sex is something where a little company is kind of nice.

In terms of phone sex, should you really ask a person, “What are you wearing?”

Only if they’ve invited you to. Most times, people aren’t getting dressed up to talk on the phone. Keep it in fantasy. Maybe try to ask “What would you be wearing if…?” so they’re not lying and not breaking state. In other words, if they’re describing some incredibly hot outfit they’re supposedly wearing, but they’re sitting around in sweatpants, they might be rolling their eyes. That’s not helping them get into a sexy state of mind.

What’s a good way to start a sexy conversation on the phone?

When people call me, they’re already horny. And that means they were thinking of something that got them horny. So I’ll ask what that was. If that wasn’t flying, I’d start by asking them what they fantasize about. When a person describes their hottest fantasy to a non-judgmental, sexy-talking listener they find attractive, you know they’re going to start getting horny.

Should you ever send emojis in text-based dirty talk?

There’s no clear answer here. Read your partner. If they send emojis while they’re turned on, then emojis won’t be a mood-killer for them. But I wouldn’t be the one who starts with emojis.

Is phone sex cheating?

It depends on your relationship. And that being said, there are a lot of guys who only manage to keep it together and stay good partners because once in a while they scratch this itch. When they do that with professional phone sex workers on Niteflirt, they aren’t pestering their partner for something their partner isn’t interested in, it’s not moving toward wrecking a home, and they never bring home an STD. So, perhaps the course of wisdom is, “Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.”

What’s the most common fetish you come across in your work?

Guys who want me to use hypnosis to turn them into my willing slaves. Every flirt on Niteflirt has a niche. Since I’m a hypnotist who uses hypnosis to turn guys into my willing slaves, I get a lot of those.

I get people who are nervous about hypnosis. The first thing I do is figure out whether it’s something they’d like to try and are just scared or if they simply don’t want to. If they don’t want to, I drop it. I don’t proselytize for it or pressure people into it. Now, if they’re nervous but curious, I let them know the difference between what people think it is and what it really is. You’re not truly unconscious during it, more like relaxed and intensely focused. And that means that if I were to try to put something in your head that you didn’t want there, you’d be able to open your eyes and terminate the session.

It can be intimidating, the idea of being out of control and not knowing what the hypnotist is putting in your mind or not knowing what you’ll do once you’re hypnotized. Of course, that fear and surrender is part of the appeal. Naturally, it would be wise to know the person you’re playing with.

What’s your most memorable phone call?

Probably the one where a devoted slave begged me to order him to pay the $2,000 for me to become a certified clinical hypnotist. I did, and he did. More than the money, that makes you realize just how much this means to some people.

Has your job impacted the way you think about sex?

Of course. In the 13 years I’ve been doing this, I’ve seen that having “uncommon” fantasies is not at all uncommon. I’ve learned that people have a psychological need to be seen. Not even accepted, just seen. To have these parts of them that they hide away in the shadows really be seen by another human being. It can be incredibly liberating.

What do you like most about being a phone sex operator?

While it’s a lot of work, it’s also a lot of fun. I get to let my sadistic, dominant side out and have a lot of fun with it. Where else can you demean your customers and have them love you for it? It also gives me the chance to do something I really shine at. The book Drive lists doing what you’re good at as a major motivator toward success and satisfaction. You’re always learning if you want to do well as a phone sex worker. And it’s helping people. There’s a healing aspect to being seen and exploring your fantasies. So many of my callers report just being happier and more engaged in their day-to-day lives.

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https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a40159370/dirty-talk-tips-phone-sex-operator-shadow-priest/

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