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Does marijuana really improve your sex life, and if so, how?

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Here’s what you need to know.

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Since the dawn of medicine, people have sought elixirs, pills and countless other remedies to improve intimacy and sexual performance. Pharmaceutical companies have made leaps and bounds in this field, with several major achievements, most famously Viagra in the 1990s.

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While pharmaceuticals undergo significant tests and trials, herbal and natural remedies like cannabis often spread by word of mouth and personal recommendation. Cannabis, in fact, has been used to improve intimacy and sexual pleasure for generations.

As marijuana popularity increases and it becomes legal in more locations, tests and studies of marijuana’s benefits are slowly becoming more available. Does marijuana really improve your sex life, and if so, how?

Before looking at how marijuana improves sex, it is best to understand what the root of sexual problems is first.

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“A lot of the understanding that needs to go into a discussion around cannabis and sexuality has less to do with cannabis and more to do with sexuality,” Jordan Tishler, a leading expert on cannabinoid therapeutics, told SELF.

When you understand sexuality, desire and the mental and physical blockages that can occur, it is easier to see how and why cannabis can improve intimacy. 

What can often keep sex from being enjoyable are mental blocks. Anxiety and tension both factor into a lack of sexual desire.

When these sexual pleasure inhibitors are removed, intimacy can improve. In other words, marijuana may not only increase pleasure, but by removing elements that hinder sexual enjoyment it can make the overall experience much more enjoyable.

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As we’ve reported before, researchers have found that it’s not anandamide that’s released during orgasm, rather it’s 2-Arachidonoylglycerol (2-AG), an endocannabinoid that plays a role in the reward aspect of sexual arousal and orgasm. Also, while under the influence of THC, a person’s senses are enhanced and they’re less likely to experience anxiety or other negative feelings surrounding sex.

Marijuana, it seems, can help the mind and body relax, simply allowing a person to enjoy the moment.

More and more, studies are finding that cannabis is leading many to have improved sexual function and better sex in general. According to one recently released study, “the effects of cannabis on heightened perceptions, time distortion, relaxation, and decreased inhibition were hypothesized as explanations for this improvement in sexual function.”

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While marijuana has shown it can improve intimacy for many, it is critical you consider your dosage and how you get high. Over-consumption of marijuana can lead to lethargy and a lack of desire to perform any task, sex included. If you plan to get high with your partner, be sure to consider the right method of ingesting cannabis to ensure you are both on the same wavelength.

The general consensus is that if you are trying to enjoy the experience with your partner, edibles are not the best bet. ”Edibles are too slow and unpredictable to be very helpful for sex involving two or more people who need to be ready at the same time,” Dr. Tishler told Insider. Edibles take anywhere from 45 minutes to 2 hours to take effect, which makes planning intimate time with your partner a bit difficult.

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Instead, maybe opt for a few puffs of a joint or a vape — something that has rapid effects, but is not so potent that you cannot control your dosage. Keep in mind that although these recent studies have shown cannabis can improve intimacy, other studies have shown the sluggish and negative effects of consuming too much THC.

Cannabis is by no means the cure for all intimacy issues. In fact, it is not currently prescribed by doctors to assist in that department. It is, however, legal in many states. So if couples therapy or other routes don’t sound appealing or aren’t working, you may want to take a trip with your partner to visit your local budtender.

The FreshToast.com, a U.S. lifestyle site that contributes lifestyle content and, with their partnership with 600,000 physicians via Skipta, medical marijuana information to The GrowthOp.

Subscribe to Weekend Dispensary, a weekly newsletter from The GrowthOp.

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https://edmontonjournal.com/life/how-cannabis-can-improve-your-sex-life

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Sexual Satisfaction in Population With ED After Robot-Assisted Radical Prostatectomy May Take Time to Improve

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Research from an observational study suggests it will take time for sexual satisfaction scores to improve among patients with erectile dysfunction due to robot-assisted radical prostatectomy for localized prostate cancer.

It may take a long time for satisfaction with sexual life to improve among men with erectile dysfunction (ED) due to robot-assisted radical prostatectomy that was utilized to treat localized prostate cancer, according to results from an observational study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine.

Patients without ED at baseline had mean overall satisfaction score was 8.2 (range 2-10). Overall, patients with ED following RARP had a mean overall satisfaction of 4.8 at 6 months, 4.8 at 12 months, 4.9 at 24 months, and 4.6 at 36 months (range 2-10; P = .2) compared with mean overall satisfaction scores of 8.4, 8.4, 8.1, and 8.2 at 6, 12, 24, and 36 months (range 3-10; P = .2), respectively, for patients without ED after RARP.

“Satisfaction with sexual life in men with ED due to RARP did not improve between 6 and 36 months [of] follow-up, indicating improvement of satisfaction might take a long time,” the investigators wrote. “One could counsel patients that sexual satisfaction is based on individual baseline sexual satisfaction and the return of sexual desire after RARP.”

Patients were treated for localized prostate cancer with RARP at a single treatment center between 2006 and 2019 were included in the observational study. Patients filled out questionnaires prior to RARP, as well as at 6, 12, 24, and 36 months time points after the procedure. Several questionnaires were used in the study, including the EORTC core quality of life questionnaire (QLQ-C30), International Index of Erectile Function 15 (IIEF-15), International Prostate Symptom Score (IPSS), and International Consultation on Incontinence Questionnaire-Urinary Incontinence Short Form (ICIQ-UI SF).

The study’s primary objective was analyzing sexual life satisfaction for patients without ED before RARP and investigating any improvement in sexual life satisfaction for patients with ED after RARP over time.

A total of 2808 patients underwent RARP, 884 of whom were included in the analysis. The median patient age was 63 years. Data were available for 467 patients with ED due to RARP at 6 months follow-up, 381 patients at 12 months, 333 patients at 24 months, and 189 patients at 36 months.

At 24 months, patients with ED satisfied with sexual life had significantly higher satisfaction scores at baseline, QoL scores, IIEF-5 scores, and sexual desire scores than patients who reported being not satisfied. More, overall satisfaction at baseline (OR, 1.4; 95% CI, 1.1-1.8; P = .01) and sexual desire scores (OR, 1.7; 95% CI, 1.4-2.1; P <.01) were found to be independent predictors of overall satisfaction at 24 months. aAfter 36 months of follow-up, overall satisfaction at baseline (OR, 2.3; 95% CI, 1.13-4.88; P = .02) and sexual desire scores at 36 months (OR, 2.1; 95% CI, 1.20-3.75; P = .09) were found to be independent predictors, as they were at 24 months.

Of note, the research population is limited to only patients treated with RARP, which suggests that these data may not be generalizable to other treatment modalities. Moreover, the potential negative impact of adjuvant or salvage radiotherapy and androgen deprivation therapy were not considered in this research.

“It is vital to present realistic, individualized expectations regarding both sexual satisfaction and recovery after RARP,” the investigators concluded.

Reference

Albers LF, Tillier CN, van Muilekom E, et al. Sexual satisfaction in men suffering from erectile dysfunction after robot-assisted radical prostatectomy for prostate cancer: an observational study. J Sex Med. 2021;18(2):339-346. doi:10.1016/j.jsxm.2020.11.011

https://www.cancernetwork.com/view/sexual-satisfaction-in-population-with-ed-after-robot-assisted-radical-prostatectomy-may-take-time-to-improve

How Cannabis Can Improve Your Sex Life

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Since the dawn of medicine, people have sought elixers, pills and countless other remedies to improve intimacy and sexual performance. Pharmaceutical companies have made leaps and bounds in this field, with several major achievements, most famously Viagra in the 1990s.

While pharmaceuticals undergo significant tests and trials, herbal and natural remedies like cannabis often spread by word of mouth and personal recommendation. Cannabis, in fact, has been used to improve intimacy and sexual pleasure for generations. 

As marijuana popularity increases and it becomes legal in more locations, tests and studies of marijuana’s benefits are slowly becoming more available. Does marijuana really improve your sex life, and if so, how?

Photo by vadimguzhva/Getty Images

RELATED: 4 Ways Cannabis Can Stimulate Your Sex Life

Before looking at how marijuana improves sex, it is best to understand what the root of sexual problems are first. “A lot of the understanding that needs to go into a discussion around cannabis and sexuality has less to do with cannabis and more to do with sexuality,” Jordan Tishler, a leading expert on cannabinoid therapeutics, told SELF. When you understand sexuality, desire and the mental and physical blockages that can occur, it is easier to see how and why cannabis can improve intimacy. 

What can often keep sex from being enjoyable are mental blocks. Anxiety and tension both factor in to lack of sexual desire. When these sexual pleasure inhibitors are removed, intimacy can improve. In other words, marijuana may not only increase pleasure, but by removing elements that hinder sexual enjoyment it can make the overall experience much more enjoyable. 

As we’ve reported before, researchers have found that it’s not anandamide that’s released during orgasm, rather it’s 2-Arachidonoylglycerol (2-AG), an endocannabinoid that plays a role in the reward aspect of sexual arousal and orgasm. Also, while under the influence of THC, a person’s senses are enhanced and they’re less likely to experience anxiety or other negative feelings surrounding sex.

Marijuana, it seems, can help the mind and body relax, simply allowing a person to enjoy the moment.

More and more, studies are finding that cannabis is leading many to have improved sexual function and better sex in general. According to one recently released study, “the effects of cannabis on heightened perceptions, time distortion, relaxation, and decreased inhibition were hypothesized as explanations for this improvement in sexual function.”

While marijuana has shown it can improve intimacy for many, it is critical you consider your dosage and how you get high. Over-consumption of marijuana can lead to lethargy and a lack of desire to perform any task, sex included. If you plan to get high with your partner, be sure to consider the right method of ingesting cannabis to ensure you are both on the same wavelength.

RELATED: Why Does Cannabis Make You So Happy? Meet Anandamide

Legalizing Medical Marijuana Causes People To Have More Sex
Photo by Witthaya Prasongsin/Getty Images

The general consensus is that if you are trying to enjoy the experience with your partner, edibles are not the best bet. ”Edibles are too slow and unpredictable to be very helpful for sex involving two or more people who need to be ready at the same time,” Dr. Tishler told Insider. Edibles take anywhere from 45 minutes to 2 hours to take effect, which makes planning intimate time with your partner a bit difficult. 

Instead, maybe opt for a few puffs of a joint or a vape – something that has rapid effects, but is not so potent that you cannot control your dosage. Keep in mind that although these recent studies have shown cannabis can improve intimacy, other studies have shown the sluggish and negative effects of consuming too much THC.

Cannabis is by no means the cure for all intimacy issues. In fact, it is not currently prescribed by doctors to assist in that department. It is, however, legal in many states. So if couples therapy or other routes don’t sound appealing or aren’t working, you may want to take a trip with your partner to visit your local budtender.

How Cannabis Can Improve Your Sex Life

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Want to improve your sex life? Check out 5 foods to boost sexual drive

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First Published Jun 1, 2022, 5:35 PM IST

Certain meals are high in nutrients and can boost your libido while also improving your overall health. By raising your libido, improving your energy, stimulating your blood flow, and strengthening your stamina, incorporating them into your diet will improve your sexual health and performance.

A good sex drive is associated with being emotionally and physically active and healthy. And it’s no surprise that the food we consume might play an important part in regaining your rhythm. Certain meals are high in nutrients and can boost your libido while also improving your overall health. By raising your libido, improving your energy, stimulating your blood flow, and strengthening your stamina, incorporating them into your diet will improve your sexual health and performance. 

Dark Chocolate

Dark chocolate is abundant in antioxidants and has various heart-healthy effects. It includes phenylethylamine, a feel-good chemical molecule that can help get things going in the bedroom.

Watermelon

If you want to improve your sexual health, this tropical fruit is a terrific summer staple. It relaxes the blood arteries, increasing blood flow to the genital organs, which may increase desire. It is also high in potassium, which implies it can aid with circulation.

Also Read | No Tobacco Day: Know how smoking can impact your sex life

Bananas

Bananas are fantastic aphrodisiacs (foods that inspire high sexual performance) because they include energy-boosting B vitamins as well as bromelain, a testosterone-producing enzyme. Furthermore, it is high in potassium, a necessary component for muscular contraction, which is essential for successful sex.

Beetroot

This deep red vegetable is high in potassium, which increases blood flow to the sex organs and promotes cognitive function. Furthermore, because males are drawn to red, its rosy tone may aid in snuggling up romantically. Nitrates, which are rich in beetroot, aid in the normal flow of blood throughout the body, increasing stamina and improving reproductive health.

Also Read | Is your relationship falling apart? 5 tips to fix a broken bond

Strawberries and rasberries

This little but delicious fruit is high in minerals such as potassium, magnesium, Vitamin C, and zinc, all of which help to improve libido in both men and women. Because they are abundant in vitamin C, they can increase sex desire, increase blood flow, and reduce tension and anxiety. It also stimulates the production of the love hormone oxytocin, which is linked to sexual desire and orgasm.

Also Read | 5 ways how you can add spice to your sex life


https://newsable.asianetnews.com/gallery/lifestyle/want-to-improve-your-sex-life-check-out-5-foods-to-boost-sexual-drive-gcw-rcsqdf

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*Trending* Proflexia RX Male Enhancement Reviews *Check Out* Improve Sex Drive! Job – 21st Century Leaders, Inc.

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Michael Mosley says common ‘superfood’ could improve your sex life and lower blood pressure

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TV health guru Dr Michael Mosley has revealed that by regularly eating a particular vegetable, you will begin to notice a positive change in your day to day life. It lowers your blood pressure and studies have also shown that it can transform your sex life.

What vegetable? No, not that – it’s the sweet and innocent beetroot. A “superfood” full of rich and nutritious nitrates, it’s said by Dr Moseley to work wonders on the human body.

The beetroot fits perfectly into Dr Moseley’s Mediterranean Diet, of which he is a huge advocate. Made up primarily of fruit and vegetables, he believes it is the best diet to follow for anyone looking to lose weight quickly while also staying healthy.

Read more: Health guru Dr Michael Mosley shares two easy morning exercises that will burn fat and help weight loss

An expert in his field, he is renowned for offering quick and easy weight loss and dietary suggestions that have proven popular with the British public. He told Science Focus: “When we consume nitrate-rich vegetables such as beetroot, something remarkable happens. Bacteria that live in our mouths turn the nitrate into nitrite.

Beetroot juice and fresh beetroot

“The nitrite, in turn, is changed by the body into nitric oxide, which, among other things, increases blood flow to various organs, including the penis. Adequate levels of nitric oxide are essential for producing and maintaining an erection, which may explain why the Romans used beetroot juice as an aphrodisiac.

“Although I haven’t yet seen any clinical trials showing that consuming beetroot juice will have a Viagra-like effect, there is evidence that the expansion of blood vessels it causes results in other significant changes.”

What other vegetables do you consider ‘superfoods’? Let us know in the comments

The humble vegetable can be found across gardens and allotments all across Britain, regarded as a staple addition at the British tea table. As well as tasting amazing – I’ll die on that hill – it appears that the plump purple vegetable also provides excellent health benefits as well.

Dr Mosley recalled an experiment that he conducted on his BBC Two series ‘Trust Me, I’m A Doctor’. He said: “We took a group of volunteers with raised blood pressure and asked them to feast on a diet rich in beetroot.

“After a few weeks, we found that munching a couple of beetroot a day led to a fall in average blood pressure of about 5mmHg, which, if maintained, would translate into a reduction in their risk of stroke and heart attack of about 10 per cent.”


https://www.dailypost.co.uk/news/michael-mosley-says-common-superfood-24004992

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Endura Natural Male Enhancement Reviews – There are many bodily changes that occur as we tend to become old, some of which impact on our sexual want and response. However, sexuality extends beyond the genitals. Reading horny literature or watching sexually express films could be a common way for couples to stay things contemporary and exciting. Being ready to openly share your sexual desires, dreams, and experimenting together with your partner is important.

Endura Natural Male Enhancement will give abundant a lot of pleasure to Endura Natural Male Enhancement partner by taking longer to achieve ejaculation. The need for sex could decrease with age for some men, but others might continue to own sex throughout their lives. You’re not alone if you find it troublesome to urge and maintain an erection. The majority of males between the ages of forty and 70 will suffer from this at some purpose. Assistance is offered, however it’s limited.

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Natural chemicals in this product aid to enhance blood flow to the penis, ensuing in longer-lasting erections and higher overall sex performance. Enhances one’s sexual desire, libido, and self-assuredness. It’s a libido booster with a twin operate. Doctors and sexologists prescribe it to all men, particularly those over thirty who are experiencing a lack of sex life. In general, at a sure age, the crucial male hormone testosterone begins to say no by a certain proportion, which encompasses a negative impact on the complete development of the male body.

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Improve Sexual Satisfaction With Greater Self-Awareness

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Source: Toa Heftiba/Unsplash

Insecure attachment, which can take the form of being anxious or avoidant, robs many people of the opportunity to feel emotionally safe in love relationships. By protecting themselves, they create a distance that not only affects their emotional connection but also leads to feeling sexually dissatisfied. Learning more about their attachment style can help them to feel more sexually satisfied, a topic which I address in the brief video Attachment Styles and Making Love. Also, anxious and avoidant styles of attachment can lead to different difficulties.

Anxious attachment and sexual satisfaction

People who are anxiously attached struggle with feeling unworthy or unlovable, which undermines their sexual relationships in many ways:

  • Their need to be reassured that they are loved and lovable can eclipse their interest in the physical aspects of their intimate relationship. For themselves, they might enjoy holding and caressing, which soothes their anxiety, rather than wanting the arousal that comes with sexual intimacy. But they might also feel driven to pleasure their partner well enough to ensure that they will be loved and cared about. This focus can lead to being sexually dissatisfied and to experiencing performance anxiety that undermines their ability to “perform.” It can also reinforce their own sense of feeling alone and less worthy as a person.
  • Their need to be accepted and loved can prevent them from being assertive about their own sexual desires. As a result of avoiding their own desires while also attending to those of a partner, they often feel that their partner controls their sex life. Women may also be at risk of engaging in sexual activity that they don’t want to engage in. In addition, there is evidence that anxiously attached heterosexual men are sometimes more sexually reserved in an effort to please their partners, whom they perceive as wanting a gentler approach.
  • Some anxiously attached people, especially men, may focus excessively on sexuality as it’s where they seek reassurance. This can include wanting it with greater frequency or turning to inappropriate or forceful sexual behavior. This can upset their partners, who then try to avoid sex.

Avoidant attachment and sexual satisfaction

Those who have an avoidant attachment style don’t trust others to be emotionally available to them, no matter what they do. Some ways this undermines their love relationships can include:

  • They may be emotionally and sexually distant in their relationships. While they might enjoy sexual arousal, they might also be uncomfortable with gentle or caring physical touch, which can weaken their defenses. They might maintain distance by being emotionally removed within a committed relationship or by engaging only in brief relationships or one-night stands. This can also include bragging or objectifying the other person to help them feel emotionally safer and better about themselves. In each of these scenarios, their need to protect themselves makes their sexual relationships less than fully satisfying.
  • They might have sex infrequently or abstain from sex (maybe by turning to masturbation). For some, not having sex is the best way to avoid being emotionally vulnerable. These people also tend to remain emotionally aloof from their partners. Not surprisingly, this can be a significant problem in intimate relationships. While women are often less interested in sex when their relationships are highly conflicted, men’s desire for sex is less likely to be affected by relationship problems. So, men who have avoidant partners are more likely to be upset by the lack of sex.

Improving sexual satisfaction

Attachment insecurity can affect the sexual satisfaction of both the person with insecurity and their partner. While this can be a difficult problem to even acknowledge, there are ways to improve your sex life once you do.

You can focus inwardly, working to feel more secure in yourself generally, as well as sexually. You might practice being more introspective about yourself, your relationship, and your sexual struggles, perhaps journaling or talking with a therapist. There are also many self-help resources to guide you in addressing attachment insecurity and sexual difficulties.

In addition, you can focus outwardly on improving your relationship in general or in the sexual arena. This includes talking honestly with your partner. While the vulnerability associated with having deeply personal conversations about sex can make anyone uncomfortable, this discomfort is magnified for anxiously and avoidantly attached people. Still, the best way to improve your sexual satisfaction is to talk with your partner about it.

Whatever your difficulty, the first steps toward improving your sexual satisfaction are to acknowledge that you are unhappy and then gain clarity on what is contributing to that unhappiness. From there, you can work toward choosing to take action that will improve the sexual satisfaction of you and your partner.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/making-change/202205/improve-sexual-satisfaction-greater-self-awareness

Increased Exercise Can Improve Your Sex Life

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It’s true that most moms are stressed and busy. In fact, many moms feel like they don’t get any time to themselves to just breathe. However, even mom deserves to have a little fun from time to time — even in the bedroom.

Sometimes, though, women find it difficult to enjoy sex, especially after they’ve had a few kids and stay constantly busy and stressed. Sometimes women think they need to branch out or try something extravagant to rekindle the flame between the bedsheets, but apparently, that isn’t the case. In fact, the team at TrueMedical says the answer to improving your sex life is simple: you just need to work out a bit.

RELATED: Scheduling Sex Isn’t All That Bad

Back in March, TrueMedical interviewed 1,099 male and female individuals from across the United States. The respondents answered a series of questions about their overall satisfaction with their sex lives, their daily habits, and their career.

  • According to the data collected, just under 69 percent of women who reportedly felt “very satisfied” with their sex life also work out several times per week.
  • This number was consistent with how the men surveyed responded as well, with around 68.5 percent of them claiming to work out several times per week and feeling “very satisfied” with their sex lives as well.
  • Competitively, less than 10 percent of individuals who reportedly feel unsatisfied with their sex lives claimed to work out diligently.

While this may sound like a somewhat ridiculous connection, it really isn’t. In fact, the team at TrueMedical and experts at Healthline say there are a number of reasons why working out frequently can improve your overall sexual satisfaction.

Some reasons why include:

  • Regular exercise improves stamina, flexibility, strength, endurance, and sexual function.
  • Exercise reduces stress hormones, which can help increase libido.
  • Working out boosts confidence and body image, which can help women feel more interested and satisfied with sex.
  • Regular workouts help build leg, core, and pelvic floor muscles, which can improve orgasms.

Furthermore, studies show that exercise more specifically improves short-term and long-term sexual satisfaction for women in particular. While the science behind this is still being looked at, most experts assume that exercise improves arousal and reactivity of the body’s sympathetic nervous system and overall health.

This research provided by TrueMedical could make a huge difference in many marriages, especially given that over 60 percent of all women are actually not satisfied with their sex lives at this point, and nearly 20 percent of married couples claim their marriage is “sexless.”

Obviously, exercise won’t fix all of your marital issues, but as this data shows, working out either with your spouse or on your own could help you both connect more intimately and increase your overall satisfaction in the bedroom.

Sources: TrueMedical, Healthline, Sexual Medicine Review, Healthy Women

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https://www.moms.com/researchers-say-improve-sex-life-with-exercise/

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What is the three-minute game and how can it improve my sex life

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Playing the game.

Laura Miano is a sex therapist based in Melbourne and co-founder of sex toy concept store Posmo. Her mission is to empower people to create a more fulfilling sex life and to support those who might like to explore their sexuality beyond cultural norms. To learn more about her, follow @lauramianosexology or contact her here.

Recently, I’ve found my partner and I have been struggling with communication in the bedroom. Neither of us seems to be fully satisfied, and I get the sense we’re both holding back. How can I open up a conversation about boundaries and desires? – Stuck

Hi Stuck,

I’m so glad you asked. It’s important to maintain open sexual communication when it comes to topics like boundaries, desires and consent. Regular check-ins with your partner can increase intimacy and strengthen your sexual relationship – particularly if you’ve been together long-term.

In my experience, it’s common for clients in long-term sexual relationships to fall out of the pattern of asking basic consent questions and regularly communicating desires. And thankfully, there are effective exercises that can help get you and your partner back where you need to be. 


For more sex-related stories, head to our Life section.


The three-minute game is an exercise derived from sensate focus, a technique developed in the 1960s and used to improve intimacy and communication between partners around sex. Created by life coach Harry Faddis and developed by sexological bodyworker Betty Martin, the three-minute game uses these sensate focus principles to help partners explore the different dimensions of the pleasure experience.

What is it?

I use the three-minute game a lot in my sessions as a sex therapist. It helps us to further understand our wants, needs, desires and dislikes; and how to effectively communicate these with our partners. I typically give these exercises to clients for homework, as it’s effective for treating people experiencing a sexual dysfunction or issues around intimacy.

If I’m honest, the title is a little misleading. The three-minute game is actually more like the 12-minute game, comprised of four different rounds. Before we get into details, it’s important to understand that this game is not about being ‘the perfect partner’.

It’s about identifying issues, reflecting on your boundaries and desires and improving your sex life. It might be challenging and it doesn’t need to be perfect. There’s no judgement here, so go into it with an open, relaxed mind. 

How it works

The game is split into four different three-minute rounds. The first round is where your partner gives in their way (touches you in the way they want to) and the second is where they receive their way (they are touched by you in the way they desire). Then we flip these: receiving your way (where you are touched in the way you desire) and giving your way (where you touch them in the way you want to).

Start non-sexual

So it sounds a little convoluted, but I promise it’s simpler than you think. For the first game, try non-sexual touching. This might be more about promoting broader intimacy, helping to expand your definition of ‘sexual’. You don’t have to touch genitals to explore pleasure!

Touch can be totally sensual and erotic without it. You can use sex toys on the broader body and experiment with temperature play, kissing, licking, biting, etc. In the second game, allow yourselves to be sexual with genitals. It’s the same as the rounds before but allows genitals to be incorporated too.

Playing the game

For each round, set a timer for three minutes. If, for example, it’s your round to touch your partner in their way, set the timer and ask ‘How would you like me to touch you for the next three minutes?’.

This helps you to be reminded about checking in, asking for guidance and staying in sync with your partner, even if you feel you aren’t doing it in the way they like. Even if you think you understand what your partner likes, this round can help you learn to better receive feedback. Sometimes, we might feel offended when our partners give feedback – this helps to normalise it! 

Next, you ask your partner ‘How would you like to touch me for three minutes?’.This is about them interacting with you in the way they want. This doesn’t necessarily mean giving you a massage (unless they really enjoy doing that). They have to move away from doing things they think you want, rather than exploring your body for their own pleasure. 

For many people, this feeling might be completely foreign. As the receiver, it gives you a chance to learn exactly what your partner likes doing when they’re given the space and time for it. This being said, the giving partner still needs to check-in and make sure what they’re doing feels good. Consent is always a prerequisite.

Swap it

After you’ve completed two rounds – and both of you have taken a turn at giving and receiving – it’s time to swap. Now swapped, your partner will ask you ‘How would you like me to touch you?’. This is a chance to explore your true desires. 

Some might think they know what they like, but it’s not until they’re asked – and given the space and patience to think about it – that they truly tap into it. Maybe you want your partner to use a sex toy on you, or you might want them to spend some time playing with your nipples. This is where you can practice asking for what you want and checking in with yourself. 

Do you feel comfortable? If it’s not quite right, can you ask your partner to adjust what they’re doing? You might find that you’re asking for what you think you should want, but not what you actually want. Take the time to get introspective and notice how you’re feeling. 

The final step is to touch your partner in the way you want. They ask you ‘How would you like to touch me?’. This is a tricky step for a lot of people; I find it’s the dimension of touching where performance anxiety usually lies. People often engage with each other not in a way they truly desire, but how they think their partner wants it.

This can also be influenced by how culture has told them to do it, or how they think it should happen to get their partners off (which at that point, will typically make them feel good). What they miss – in trying to reach the orgasm end goal – is touching their partner’s body in the way they truly want.

This step can take practice and might feel different at the start. When you’re not thinking about your partner reaching orgasm – and rather focusing on the present sexual experience – your sex will inherently become more mindful.

Debriefing after

The three-minute game is all about thoughtful, intentional and mutually beneficial sex. To make sure you and your partner are getting the most out of the game, carve out the time to ask each other questions and debrief on your experience. 

Some example questions could be: What did you like? What didn’t you like? What made you feel uncomfortable? Was there something that felt like a relief? How does the experience compare to your ‘regular’ sex in terms of being present, feeling and pursuing pleasure, and feeling connected, intimate and aroused? 

Why it works

In my work, the three-minute game has been proven to be effective in expanding our understanding of pleasure – because pleasure runs on so many different dimensions! Many people are good at letting their partners do the pleasuring, but when it comes to identifying their desires, they feel stuck. This game gives them the space to think about and communicate it. 

Promotes sexual communication

The game itself is about asking and answering questions; giving and receiving feedback. In a sexual context, that level of communication can feel quite foreign to a lot of people – but it’s all about introducing new dimensions into the regular sexual routine. Once you’ve done it once, it’s easier to incorporate in the future. 

Facilitates reflection

By bringing their sexual relationship into this particular structure, the three-minute game enables people to reflect on their sexual connection, pleasure, arousal and intimacy. In this exercise, these concepts are more easily identifiable whereas, in a usual sexual experience, the giving and receiving of pleasure happens far more fluidly. 

Helps to identify issues

After you’ve played the game, the reflection is almost an entirely separate exercise. The three-minute game can help to identify issues that might be present in your sexual relationship. Was there a certain aspect of the game you found difficult? Ask why! Many clients will identify issues in certain rounds easier than others, while some might find themselves experiencing anxiety. Explore the meaning behind your feelings. 

If there was one particular element of the communication that you found challenging – like asking for feedback or directing them towards the right spot – you can identify this in the game and begin to work on it. If you tell your partner one thing and they do another, or if you say to stop and they keep going, it can identify a lack of understanding of consent. These are just a few examples of the issues the three-minute game can help you to unpack. 

Practices consent

As I mentioned earlier, in relationships people can sometimes find themselves forgoing the process of consent because they’re ‘comfortable’. They might think that because they’re having sex with their partner, they don’t need to explicitly ask for consent. Obviously, this is not the case.

This exercise brings consent to the forefront of the sexual equation. Practice asking your partner if what you’re doing is okay, respect their boundaries and hold them accountable for doing the same. This is your opportunity to say no and identify what you don’t like. 

Promotes intimacy and mindfulness

When this exercise is done in a considered, thoughtful way, it can really bring a new structure of interacting into your relationship. To help set the mood, make your environment feel relaxed and inviting – think dim lighting, candles, low music and soft textures. The three minutes can be a really beautiful exploration of each other’s minds and bodies, so set yourself up for success. Try and stay present, because pairing mindfulness with sexual interaction can be truly mind-blowing.

For more information on the three-minute game, head here.


https://fashionjournal.com.au/life/sex-therapist-three-minute-game/

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