Tag: Relationship

Being Too Tired for Sex Doesn’t Spell Relationship Doom

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When you’re exhausted and the picture of salvation simply looks like your bed welcoming you to hop in for some shut-eye, sex is likely not the first thought in your mind. In fact, a 2017 survey found that 60 percent of folks say they crave sleep more than sex on average, indicating where our priorities are for a lot of the time. But, being too tired for sex doesn’t mean the end of intimacy in your respective partnership.

“There are a number of emotional, mental, physical, and circumstantial reasons why someone might be too tired for sex,” says sex educator Searah Deysach, owner of Chicago-based pleasure-product company Early to Bed. The root cause of someone being too tired for sex can be a number of things, including a work-life-balance issue or occupational burnout, new parenthood, or the fatigue is simply a symptom of some other health condition, she adds.

And of course, if it’s an irregular thing, prioritize that shut-eye. But, even if being too tired for sex becomes more chronic, there’s no need to worry that it’ll spell out the end of your relationship. “Many relationships go through periods where the people involved have less sex because they’re sleep-deprived,” Deysach adds.

These relationships are able to survive and thrive because there are ways to continue experiencing intimacy with your partner(s), even when you’re bone-tired, she says. Phew. Ahead, find seven suggestions for how to troubleshoot feeling too sleepy for sex.

7 expert tips for how to proceed when you’re regularly too tired for sex

1. Let go of the belief that you have to have sex often

“There is no pre-determined number of times that someone is supposed to have sex each week or month for a happy relationship,” says Rachel Rubin, MD, a board-certified urologist and sex-medicine specialist with sexual-pleasure retailer Promescent. More essential than how often you have sex is communicating about your sex life, she says.

“There is no pre-determined number of times that someone is supposed to have sex each week or month for a happy relationship.” —Rachel Rubin, MD, sex educator and urologist

“You can have sex as much or as little as you and your partner would like,” she says. And it’s a healthy practice so long as you’re on a similar page about your wants and needs getting met. Some duos, for instance, are made up of two asexual folks or two people with low(er) libido who are mutually disinterested in sex. Other couples are made up of people who have learned through trial-and-error that having sex twice per week helps them feel most connected.

Remembering that there is no “normal” sexual frequency can also help alleviate any pressures, says Deysach.

2. Prioritize quality over quantity

How the sex feels is a superior measure of sexual satisfaction than how frequently you do it. “Quality is more important when it comes to sex, because when it’s quality, it’s more memorable and satisfying,” says queer sex educator Marla Renee Stewart, MA, sexpert for sexual-wellness brand Lovers. “Ask a group of people if they prefer mutually pleasurable sex one time or bad sex seven times, and more will pick the quality sex.”

3. Talk to your partner

Maybe you want to be having more sex. Maybe you think your partner wants to be having more sex. Maybe you’re feeling guilty about how tired you are. In any of these cases, Dr. Rubin suggests communication is the best path forward.

“Using ‘I’ statements is a great way to have the conversation,” says Deysach. “Assigning blame never helps with open communication, so just speak from your heart about how you are feeling, and ask your partner to share their feelings, as well.” If you’re having a tough time initiating this convo, Dr. Rubin suggests working with a sex therapist or couples therapist for help.

4. Schedule a sex date

No, a verbal agreement won’t do it; actually input the date into your Google or fridge calendar. “This may sound a little mechanical,” says Dr. Rubin. “But many couples report that the practice of scheduling sex has increased their intimacy and closeness with their partner.”

To be very clear, scheduling sex doesn’t mean that you have to have sex during that blocked-off time. After all, you should only have sex when everyone involved is giving their enthusiastic yes. Rather, the timeframe can be understood as a time block to prioritize intimacy. If you don’t want to have sex, but do give one another a massage, talk honestly about your fears, or dance in the living room, those also mark a successful sex date, Deysach says.

5. Masturbate

“Masturbation can be a great option if you and your partner(s) routinely find yourselves with no extra time or energy for partnered play,” says Dr. Rubin. Not only does masturbating feel good, she says, it also boasts a handful of mental and physical benefits.

You could also try mutual masturbation, says Deysach, which is the act of touching yourself while your partner touches themselves right beside you. “Mutual masturbation can be a fun experience to share that can be quicker than going all-in for full-on sex,” she says.

6. Think of sex beyond penetration

When you’re zonked, the distance between zero and sex can feel insurmountable… even when you want to have sex! “Try to remember that sex doesn’t have to always mean intercourse,” says Deysach. There is a whole menu of sexual activities out there that you can share when you want to enjoy physical intimacy but don’t have enough time or energy in tank intercourse .

“Making out, oral sex and hand stuff are all great ways to connect with your partner and engage in sex play, and these activities may be easier to fit into your lifestyle or achieve when you are very busy, stressed or don’t have time for a whole meal,” she says.

7. Talk to a health-care provider

If you’re really tired, talk to your provider. Prolonged exhaustion and chronic fatigue are symptoms of a number of different health conditions, including depression, anxiety, compassion fatigue, burnout, adrenal fatigue, hormonal imbalances, and viral infection, according to the Cleveland Clinic. So, if the tiredness you’re experiencing could be described as “long-lasting,” “endless,” or “deep-seated,” mention it to your provider.

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7 Tips for When You’re Too Tired for Sex and Don’t Feel Happy About It

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How to Get Through a Dry Spell in Your Relationship

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Everything seems better at the beginning of a relationship, but especially the sex. Impromptu romps in the sack are the norm as you and your partner are excited to explore each other’s bodies. You’re never too tired or bored either—you’re almost always in the mood.

But now you’ve hit a drought. Maybe you’re stressed and busy or maybe you’ve hit a rough patch with your partner and your timing is off. Whatever the reason, the sex is infrequent or has stopped altogether. It could be a few weeks or a few months or even a few years. Yep, you’re in the middle of the dry spell. Now what?

“Dry spells are completely normal whether you’re in a relationship or single, whether intentional or not. There will always be times in your life and relationships where you want to take a break from sex and that’s completely OK,” Aliyah Moore, a certified sex therapist, tells Lifehacker. “It all boils down to how you choose to respond to it as an individual and as a couple.”

A lot of the shame attached to having a dry season comes from the social construct on how much sex we should be having rather than focusing on what is right for our current situation.

And although dry spells happen within all relationships, according to Moore, many couples ignore the signs and don’t take the time to understand why it’s happening and how to remedy the situation. “If you avoid the problem and distance yourself from your partner, you’re just making it harder for the both of you to figure out how you can get back into the game,” she says.

While dry spells are completely normal and are nothing to be ashamed about, if your dry spell is bothering you, Moore provides insight on how to break out of it.

What causes a dry spell in a relationship?

“Dry spells often happen after the ‘honeymoon’ phase in relationships. This phase varies from couple to couple, but usually, this ‘euphoric’ stage in the relationship lasts a couple of months to two years,” Moore explains.

Once this phase ends, Moore says, couples start to see their partners for who they truly are—their imperfections, quirks, etc. “Some get annoyed by them and leave their partners, while some choose to stay and accept their partners despite their flaws.”

But then, for some, a long-term partner can also turn into a constant presence that often doesn’t make them very sexy.

“They become a part of your routine to the point that sex gets boring,” she says. “Plus, it no longer becomes a priority with everything else happening in life, like a new job or kids.”

Factor in partners being taken for granted and couples dealing with many major issues in their lives including everything from demanding jobs to family problems to health issues, and sex taking a back seat is very common for many couples.

Why sex is important in relationships

Maybe you’re thinking that a dry spell isn’t a big deal; that you can do without sex so long as you and your partner are still committed and sharing a life together. So why is sex necessary in our relationships?

“Sex is a vital part of life. Any sexual activity (solo or with a partner) offers many benefits to the person’s overall health and well-being,” Moore says. “In relationships, having sex increases the levels of intimacy, trust, and love between partners.

Aside from increasing each other’s confidence levels in bed, according to Moore, sex between partners also empower couples to open up and be vulnerable to each other.

“Having regular sex improves a couple’s ability to perceive and identify their partners’ emotions. As a result, couples become better at expressing their feelings toward not only each other but also other people.”

Additionally, when a person orgasms from sex, the process triggers the release of the feel-good hormone oxytocin, which plays a vital role in creating a bond between partners.

Moreover, says Moore, most if not all couples feel more satisfied in their relationships when they can fulfill each other’s sexual desires. “Relationships tend to grow when partners can freely express themselves, as well as their sexual needs, desires, and even their fantasies.”

Figure out what’s causing the dry spell—and address it

First, you need to figure out why you’re not having sex as often or not having sex at all anymore. Dry spells happen for many reasons, ranging from minor problems (like being apart from your partner due to travel or job restrictions) to more serious ones (like trauma, health issues, or problems within the relationship).

“Taking a step back to assess the situation and identify the root cause makes it easier for all parties to understand the dry spell and remedy it,” Moore says, who suggests identifying and address these issues alone or with your partner. But either way, you must communicate to your partner next.

“I can’t stress the importance of being open with your partner enough. If you still haven’t learned the cause of your dry spell, you could discuss it and figure it out.”

If you have identified the potential cause, Moore says don’t wait for it to blow out of proportion without doing anything about it or talking about it. “Sharing your concerns and hearing what your partner has to say about them (and vice versa) may surprisingly resolve your dry spell issues. Moreover, communicating with your partner regularly helps you feel closer. Also, it relieves couples from talking to each other about anything—the good and the bad.”

So how do you broach such a subject? Moore cautions against starting the conversation with your partner if your emotions are high. “You’ll only end up saying hurtful things to them that you can’t take back and end up regretting.”

Also, try to avoid opening up this conversation when your partner just got home from work or is stressed because the conversation isn’t likely to be productive, and both of you will end up being more frustrated.

Once you find the best moment to talk to your partner, Moore recommends simply talking about how you feel without blaming or pointing fingers. “Don’t be afraid to say something in the present. Something like, ‘This has been a struggle for me.’ or ‘The past few weeks/months have really been hard for me because of…” And then express to your partner what you need right now. This approach allows couples to really express how they feel about the situation and with each other.”

It’s OK to take things slow

After having the dry spell conversation with your partner, Moore recommends taking things slow in the bedroom. “Don’t rush things, and don’t expect that you’ll immediately go from zero sex to five times a day.”

Instead, she suggests focusing on quality time and quality sex with your partner. “Make sure you have the right mindset, especially if lack of sleep, stress, or a demanding job is the root cause of the dry spell.”

What might also help reignite the spark is remembering how your courtship first started. “I’m talking about all the flirting and lovey-dovey things you did when you were still starting out as a couple (aka, the honeymoon phase),” Moore says. “Don’t be afraid to go back to basics. Go on a date, and make conversations. The touching part can always follow, as well as kisses, hugs, and cuddles. Savor the moment. Remember, each act shouldn’t always end up with sex. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable at the moment.”

If having sex feels right, Moore suggests initiating sex with words like, “Do you want to do something tonight?” or “do you want to play?”

Once things return to how they used to, Moore says don’t be afraid to experiment and explore different ways you can pleasure each other from time to time. “If you’ve reached this point in your relationship, you have to cultivate intimacy on a much deeper level. And by trying something new together, you’ll be surprising yourselves each time.”

Moore emphasizes it’s key to not expect that sex will be the same as it used to be when you started as a couple, because that can lead to disappointment for both of you.

“You have to remember that many things that have happened to you (or your partner) in the past contributed to the dry spell. Stress, lifestyle changes, and physical, emotional, and psychological factors are things you don’t easily resolve overnight. So again, take it slow and be patient with your partner.”

Moore says it’s important to focus on cultivating intimacy and a deeper connection with your partner without the pressure of making it all about sex all the time. “Do what’s comfortable for you at the moment. If you only feel like hugging or kissing one day, then feel free to do so. If you feel like doing it roughly the next day, so be it. And if you just feel like cuddling and talking about random things, do those, too. At the end of the day, it’s the bond you share with your partner that matters most.”



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OnlyFans model shares sex tips to spice up your long-term relationship

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Don’t let the spark go out (Picture: Getty/iStockphoto)

It’s no secret that sex in a long-term relationship can start to get a bit, well, dry.

Couples tend to become so comfortable with each other that they don’t always make an effort in the bedroom – and once you get out of the habit of having sex, it can be hard to pick it back up again.

It’s not only the frequency of sex though, it’s also the quality. Many people are guilty of being a bit lazy with their long-term partner, so the sex can get a bit ‘samey’, with any sense of adventure going out the window.

Of course, there are also loads of good things about sex in long-term relationships. You know each other’s bodies and desires inside out, you’re less likely to worry about any insecurities, and a deep intimacy can lead to some truly mind-blowing pleasure.

So, how do you spice things up and make sure that your long-term relationship sex doesn’t tip over from comfortable to boring?

UK OnlyFans model, Belle Grace, has shared her top tips to spice things up in the bedroom with your long-term partner:

Let’s talk lingerie

‘When it comes to lingerie, don’t feel forced to go out of your comfort zone,’ says Belle.

‘If you don’t like how it looks and feels on you, you probably won’t feel your hottest in the bedroom. You should always feel hot, sexy, and confident to get the most out of your lingerie.’

While it’s always fun to experiment, Belle says you should also make sure you feel really good in what you’re wearing – so you can focus more on your partner and not on being uncomfortable or self conscious.

‘Another great option to ensure you have a flawless lingerie experience is to work with a sales associate when purchasing your new pieces,’ she adds.

‘They are trained on ensuring you find the best option for your body type and something that correctly fits your bust and bum.’

Time to take control

To be confident in the bedroom Belle says you need to be confident in yourself.

‘The best way to take control is to get on top. He/she/they will love it,’ says Belle.

‘Go down on your partner and show them what you can do first, don’t skip over the foreplay.

‘I always suggest 10-15 minutes of foreplay to really get into the groove of things and get your partner excited for what’s to come.

‘Most importantly, feel sexy and enjoy every minute – if you enjoy it, they certainly will too.’

Do the unexpected

‘We all have some sexual fantasy that we may not have been able to play out in real life quite yet,’ says Belle. Adding that you should go for it.

‘Switching things up in the bedroom is going to keep your adrenaline pumping and keep you and your partner from falling into that sexual rut,’ she says.

‘Are you both into porn but never watched it together? It’s definitely going to get things heated.

‘Be open with your partner about what you want to try and be open to hearing their wants and needs as well.’

Add in extras

‘I’m a big fan of oils,’ says Belle. She says using heated massage oils is great for setting the mood and transitioning into foreplay.

‘If you’re not sure how to start getting things going in the bedroom, a massage is a great way to break the physical barrier,’ she says.

‘Utilise this time to tease your partner and get them into the right mood before committing to anything more. This will ensure you are both on the same page and will drive them absolutely crazy.’

Food in the bedroom? 

Whipped cream, melted chocolate… you’ve seen it in the films – but does it work in real life?

‘Food is a playful way to reintroduce a new form of touch into your bedroom,’ says Belle.

‘Adorn your body with chocolate syrup or dollops of whipped cream and invite your partner to do the rest of the work.

‘It is a win-win for you both, while introducing a new form of foreplay.’


There are so many toys out there to try, so Belle suggests shopping for toys together.

‘Always allow yourself to follow your curiosity,’ she says.

‘By shopping together, you’re not only getting to know what your partner likes, but you are also starting to build the sexual tension knowing you can play with your new purchases later.

‘There are a ton of partner toys such as vibrating panties where your partner can be in charge of the controller in a more discreet form of play.’

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing [email protected]

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Adult model shares sex tips to help spice up your long-term relationship

Cannabis Users Less Likely to Confront Relationship Issues: Study

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  • Weed users may have negative reactions to relationship conflict more than non-users, a small study found.
  • Researchers videotaped couples where one partner used cannabis to observe their behavior and heart rate over 15 minutes.
  • They found cannabis users shirked arguments or criticized their partner more than non-users.

People who use cannabis regularly may have more trouble resolving fights in their romantic relationships, according to a small study in the journal Drug and Alcohol Dependence.

Researchers at Rutgers University interviewed 232 cannabis users and their partners who live together in Massachusetts, where cannabis is legal for adult use. They asked them how often they use cannabis and how they felt about their overall commitment and satisfaction in their relationships. They also measured each participant’s resting heart rate and breath.

37% of the cannabis users said they used it less than once a month, 10% said they used monthly, 20% said they used weekly, and 33% reported using daily or almost daily. The majority of study participants (76%) were white, 96 of them were men, 122 were women, and 14 didn’t disclose their biological sex.

The researchers had each couple spend 10 minutes discussing a major conflict in their relationship, which they could pick from a list the researcher provided, or nominate their own conflict. Options included money, in-laws, communication, recreation, and sex. Then, the couples discussed the things they agree on in their relationship for five minutes, all while being videotaped.

Raters, who the researchers trained, watched the videos back and scored each partner on a scale from 1 to 5 in two areas: conflict engagement and conflict avoidance. For engagement, if someone frequently demanded their partner change, criticized them, or blamed them, raters gave them a score of 5. For avoidance, if someone frequently deflected, skirted, or ignored areas of disagreement, raters gave them a 5. The researchers also measured their heart rates and breath during the 15-minute conflict assessment.

The researchers found cannabis users were more likely than non-cannabis users to avoid disagreements or react to them negatively. When they spoke with the study participants after to gauge how they felt about the conflict resolution, they found cannabis users were also more likely to say they were satisfied with how they resolved the conflict than non-cannabis users.

According to lead study researcher Jessica E. Salvatore, an associate professor of psychiatry at Rutgers, discrepancies between cannabis users’ reports and raters’ observations of their behaviors could negatively impact their relationships over time.

“This suggests that users may be unaware, or perhaps unbothered by, negative relationship dynamics during and after conflict. This can be harmful to relationships in the long-run to have chronic, unresolved conflicts,” Salvatore told Insider. She added that therapists who work with cannabis users may consider taking these findings into account when they counsel them.

The study results support existing evidence that cannabis users may experience more emotional arousal and have difficulty with self-regulation, Salvatore said. She said the study showed a correlation between cannabis use and conflict resolution, but it’s not yet clear if there’s a direct link between the two.

There were caveats to the study. Since the researcher didn’t test participants’ urine, they couldn’t be sure cannabis users were sober during the interviews and 15-minute conflict resolution session. They also focused on frequency and were unable to see how cannabis consumption method, quantity, or concentration may have affected results, said Salvatore.

Existing studies that examine weed’s effects on relationships are small and inconclusive, but suggest the substance could boost orgasms and sexual satisfaction, increase emotional intimacy, and decrease sex-related anxiety, Insider previously reported.


What’s it like to have sex after leaving a long-term relationship? Three women share their experiences

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When 41-year-old Alice* left her 15-year relationship, she described her next-level sex as an “otherworldly” experience.

“Rather than just feeling the orgasm as a surface thing that happens around your clitoris, it [was] more like constant waves of pleasure through your entire body,” she tells ABC podcast Ladies, We Need to Talk.

But sex wasn’t always this good for Alice — in her previous relationship, it had become routine.

“We just lost the passion,” she says.

Alice started having ‘life-changing’ sex a year-and-a-half ago when she fell in love with a woman during lockdown.

‘I’m never going to be the same’

Before her current partner, Alice was living overseas with her ex-husband and children.

Without a working visa, she found being a stay-at-home mum an isolating experience and seeking affection from her ex-husband “emotionally exhausting”.

“We just were like ships in the night really trying to avoid one another,” she says.

“I don’t think proper beautiful, passionate kissing had happened for about 10 years.”

As Alice’s desire for love and passionate sex was ignored, their connection faded.


Toxic Fan Culture Around Sexual Assault Cases Forces Us to Re-Examine Our Relationship With Celebrities

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No sooner did the internet erupt in celebratory fanfare over Johnny Depp’s supposed vindication, than a different celebrity became the focus of another concerted rescue campaign. Marilyn Manson, an alternative rock personality, was accused of multiple charges of sexual assault by several people — including Westworld star Evan Rachel Wood. Manson then filed a libel lawsuit against Wood that is pending in court, but not many are optimistic about how it will play out despite damning evidence against Manson in the public record.

In the last few days, Twitter began seeing a familiar hashtag trending with a different name: #IStandWithMarilynManson. Some social media users have clubbed Manson into the Johnny Depp category: of supposed victims of a particular archetype of femme fatale, one whose modus operandi is that of played-up victimhood to enact their twisted revenge fantasy. Worse is how Evan Rachel Wood is now being doubted along the same lines as Amber Heard — with many claiming they’ve always believed Depp and Manson to be innocent and Heard and Wood to be scheming, manipulative liars.

The Johnny Depp case may be the beginning of the end for #MeToo — in that it heralded a post-feminist, post-truth narrative about the possibility of women as perpetrators unleashing terrible injustice over hapless men. But it is at this point that we must stop to examine the role of fan cultures in #MeToo itself.

Related on The Swaddle:

Why We Feel Close to Celebrities We Have Never Met

In its most flammable phase, the movement involved big names. Indeed, the whole point of the movement was to expose how men with fame, power, money, and most importantly, influence, used a potent combination of systemic advantages to cover up their misdeeds on a systemic level. When we think #MeToo, we think of celebrities — highprofile men who have been “brought down.” Many have noted how the response to the Johnny Depp trial is a post-#MeToo backlash — almost serving as revenge for all the ways in which widely admired men have been wronged by not just women who accuse them, but by the larger culture itself.

The clarion call to “believe women” arguably began in recognition of the fact that power imbalances between the famous men accused of sexual assault and the survivors who accused them — more often than not, women adjacent to fame but never quite in its spotlight — mean that our culture more readily takes the side of the more powerful. In the case of men who are famous — they’ve built a relationship with their fans over years of storytelling and art that, in many cases, shaped an image of masculinity that fans emulated and admired. In the process, a parasocial relationship is established wherein accusing a charismatic figure like Johnny Depp is like accusing a role model around whose image many have built up their own personalities and fantasies.

The result is that the discrediting of accusers is not just limited to attempts at discrediting their “evidence” (an already slippery slope, considering that evidence is hard to obtain in cases of sexual assault and intimate partner violence) — it becomes viciously, vindictively, personal. Many of the memes about Amber Heard were focused not on discrediting what she had to say, but on her entire personhood itself — calling her names and giving her monickers whose entire purpose was to insult and demean. When legions of people do it on behalf of a man who doesn’t know any of them personally, it is time to step back and question why so many felt that they had a personal stake in it.

Related on The Swaddle:

How Celeb Fan Culture Minimizes Accountability

It has to do with how entertainment culture deliberately fosters parasocial relationships that make people feel like they know someone even when they don’t. From late-night talk shows, promotions, red carpet interviews, and highly publicized philanthropy campaigns (think Johnny Depp’s visit to a children’s hospital as Jack Sparrow), artists’ public facades are often engineered in a way as to feel personal. It doesn’t matter if they really are as kind, jovial, and funny as they seem — the complicated landscape of PR ensures that every single move, gesture, and word uttered by celebrities is spun to build a brand out of them. The thing about brands, moreover, is that they exist to sell. Replace Johnny Depp with any charismatic, disruptive male celebrity figure and you get a brand that has successfully been bought by legions of fans. This creates a culture of one-sided love and fealty towards what these figures represent rather than who they are.

It is true, to an extent, that celebrities are inextricable from “The Culture” — that amorphous, slippery thing that is hard to define and yet is felt by everyone in a moment of change. But they do also tend to become the locus of cultural changes such as the ones #MeToo tried to enact — in the process, fan cultures intervene in the lives of many systematically marginalized people and prevent their access to any form of justice, closure, or even participation in how a cultural moment plays out. Nothing spells this out more clearly than how the Johnny Depp trial has already begun turning survivors of domestic violence away from courts. “This case is my worst fear playing out on a public stage… [It] tells me that [my ex] was right. If he chose to, he could destroy and humiliate me beyond repair,” one survivor told Rolling Stone.

It is no coincidence, therefore, that many have called for greater media literacy and awareness in the wake of the Depp-Heard trial to try to tackle a culture where individuals develop deeply personal investments in celebrities. But in the case of people who give us art, this is arguably much more difficult. It’s why Woody Allen — a much-loved, muchemulated auteur filmmaker — continues to receive much support from fans despite serious allegations of sexual abuse against his step-daughter, Dylan Farrow. And it’s also why many survivor advocates don’t hold out much hope for the Marilyn Manson case to turn out differently.

In being the representational images of cultural shifts, fans’ relationships with celebrities ensure that the shifts become about the celebrities themselves. In the process, the opportunities to shift anything real are lost, and the communities depending on them falling through the cracks.

Toxic Fan Culture Around Sexual Assault Cases Forces Us to Rethink Our Relationship With Celebrities

Man in sexual relationship with his car says he never felt true love before

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Things get physical sometimes between Nathaniel and his car, a 1998 Chevy Monte Carlo | Picture courtesy: TLC

Photo : YouTube

Going on a car ride is a widely shared interest among people. However, the phrase probably means something more to Nathaniel, who derives pleasure from the ‘ride’ the way most don’t because he takes the beast all the way to Bonetown.
An episode on Objectophilia of the TLC documentary series My Strange Addiction that originally aired in February 2012, has resurfaced and takes you through the life of a man named Nathaniel, from Arkansas, who is in a relationship with his car.
The opening episode of the show, named Dating My Car, reveals how the man and his beloved Chase, a 1998 Chevy Monte Carlo, communicate telepathically, have a favourite song and even have sex.

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A revv-eting tale

Nathaniel explained that it was love at first sight when he first saw Chase at a car dealership back in 2005. In no time, the pair got into a romantic relationship and things got physical sometimes.

“I’m in a serious relationship with my car. It was love at first sight,” he says. “His body and his interior and everything just together seemed to fit. I felt an instant connection.”

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He can’t completely comprehend why he has the feelings for Chase but that doesn’t come in the way of them having a good time.

Nathaniel also expands on how he makes love to him.

“..We have our times where things get sexual. What we do most often is, I like to lean over his fender and across his hood and do little things like that and kind of press up against him and rub against him like that.”

“One of his more bold positions is for me to be underneath him. He really likes that. It’s really special to make love to Chase.”

In the documentary, he can also be seen sliding under Chase and kissing his bumper.

Virgin territory

Nathaniel has been into cars ever since he was a teenager but didn’t make much of it as he has also dated seven girlfriends in his years growing up.

But, he never experienced true love until he met Chase.

Objectophilia is a term that describes a strong emotional or sexual relationship that people have with an inanimate object such as the Eiffel Tower, a Boeing 747, or case in point, a car.


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I’m in a relationship with my red Chevy — here’s how I have sex with the car

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Unlike most people, this driver loves ramming his car.

An Arkansas man known only as Nathaniel — for, uh, privacy reasons — is revving back into the headlines after saying he has “sex” with his 1998 Chevy Monte Carlo.

The randy motorist, 37, revealed he was in a sexual relationship with his racy red automobile back in 2012, when he was featured on an episode of TLC’s “My Strange Addiction.” However, vintage YouTube clips of his bizarre auto erotica are just now going viralglobally.

“I like to lean over his fender and across his hood and kind of press up against him,” Nathaniel said of how he engages in intercourse with his vehicle, which he has gendered as male and affectionately named “Chase.”

“One of the more bold positions is for me to be underneath him,” he added, describing the sexual act as “special.”

The dirty driver additionally revealed that he frequently masturbates while standing next to the parked car.

Nathaniel suffers from objectophilia, whereby individuals develop strong sexual or romantic feelings for a specific inanimate object. Some academics have theorized that the condition could be linked with autism.

Objectophilia is currently in the spotlight after German woman Sarah Rodo, 23, went viral earlier this week after revealing she was sexually attracted to her toy Boeing 737 and was making plans to marry the model airplane.

The dirty driver revealed that he frequently masturbates while standing next to the parked car.
TLC/ YouTube
“One of the more bold positions is for me to be underneath him”: Nathaniel confessed to having “sex” with his beloved vehicle.
TLC/ YouTube

Nathaniel told TLC that he bought his beloved Chevy at a resale lot in 2007, and instantly felt a sexual attraction.

Footage from the program shows the sales technician affectionately kissing and caressing the hood of the car and saying “I love you, baby.”

Nathaniel revealed he also likes being inside of Chase, and was seen stroking the vehicle’s steering wheel as he sat in the driver’s seat.

“I don’t know why I feel the way I do, but I just know I absolutely love Chase,” he candidly confessed.

Nathaniel revealed he also likes being inside of Chase, seen stroking the vehicle's steering wheel as he sat in the driver's seat.
Nathaniel revealed he also likes being inside of Chase, here stroking the vehicle’s steering wheel as he sits in the driver’s seat.
TLC/ YouTube

Nathaniel revealed that his interest in cars began when he was a teenager, but he didn’t think much of it initially.

He dated several women, but had never been in love until he laid eyes on Chase.

Nathaniel spent five years secretly having sex with the vehicle, saying he was scared of the judgment he would face if he revealed his objectophilia.

“I always worry about that little bit of disgust that somebody may have,” he stated.

It’s unclear whether the Arkansas native is still in a relationship with the car, and he hasn’t spoken out publicly since the shocking TLC appearance.

Nathaniel said he kept his relationship with the vehicle a secret for fear he would be judged.
Nathaniel said he kept his relationship with the vehicle a secret for fear he would be judged.
TLC/ YouTube

But Nathaniel isn’t the first person to attempt to have sex with a vehicle.

Back in 2018, a drunk Kansas man was arrested after trying to put his penis into the tailpipe of a parked car. Cops has to subdue the perp with a stun gun after he refused to stop ramming the vehicle.

Meanwhile, The Post has previously reported on people suffering from objectophilia. In 2019, Michele Köbke from Berlin was profiled about her unorthodox relationship with a model airplane.


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What Your Sexts (or Lack Thereof) Say About Your Relationship

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The rise of smartphones with great cameras is one of many modern innovations that only reinforced an enduring fact of human existence: We’re all horny. Heck, innovation itself is horny—for a long time, the prevailing wisdom dictated that new tech would succeed as soon as someone figured out how to make it sexy. It’s no wonder the devices we use for sending work emails or keeping up with relatives are also used to indulge our basest desires.

Sexting is a cultural constant now, or so it seems. Here on Lifehacker, you can find guides to taking your best nudes, tips on what to do if your nudes leak, and how to hide the sensitive content on your phone. It seems like everyone is doing it, but if you’re concerned you’re not doing it enough—or doing it too much—don’t worry: Sexting is mainstream enough that it’s being studied—again, everything is horny, even academia. So here’s what the science can tell you about what your sexting (or lack thereof) means for your relationships.

There are four distinct groups of sexters

A 2018 study by Galovan, et al revealed most sexters fall into one of four distinct categories, so if you’re concerned you rely too much on wordy descriptions and not enough on showing-not-telling by way of a front-facing camera, chill out. And if you’re worried because you don’t sex while everyone else seemingly does, chill out harder: Of the 615 Americans and Canadians in committed relationships studied by the researchers, 71.5% didn’t sext at all (“non-sexters”). From there, 14.5% were “words-only” sexters, 8.5% were “frequent” sexters,” and 5.5% were “hyper-sexters.”

Whether you’re sexting a ton or none at all, you belong to a sizable cohort of like-minded folks. What’s really important is finding a partner who falls into a similar category as you, whatever that may be.

Sexting can be good for your relationship

When it comes to sexting in committed partnership, the study found that both frequent and hyper-sexters reported the same general relationship satisfaction as non-sexsters and their word-only peers, but indicated more sexual satisfaction than those two groups.

“That’s just one study,” cautioned Dr. Barbara Greenberg, a clinical psychologist and therapist who has reviewed and written about the findings. Still, she said, “Maybe—just maybe—it’s because these couples are more open about [their] sexuality.”

There is one problem, though: More prolific sexters, she noted, “are also more likely to get involved in infidelity-related behavior on social media, so it’s a mixed bag.”

If you and your boo are swapping pics and dirty messages constantly, it’s important to be open and communicative about your boundaries and expectations when it comes to their (and your) behavior—both with you and with others.

Be careful, of course

It all sounds great—you have a smartphone with a camera, and sexting can enhance your overall sexual satisfaction. But remember: A big majority of those studied rarely, if ever, engaged in this activity. There are drawbacks that hold people back, and they’re worth considering.

“If you’re in a committed relationship, people often do things via text that they don’t have the courage to do when they’re in person,” Greenberg said, pointing to another revelation from the study: Sexters reported not liking their partner to look at their phones. If something is ultimately going to drive a wedge in your trust, it might not be worth pursuing, even if it seems like everyone is doing it. The most important thing, she reiterated, is to be open and communicative.

“It could be okay for some couples, but [not] for other couples,Greenberg said.

Talk to your partner before jumping in

Greenberg Stressed the importance of trust in any sexting relationship, noting the risks in sending explicit messages or photos to someone you aren’t in a committed relationship with.

Still, people do it all the time. (Remember: Everyone is horny.) But if you’re going to send a sexy snap, the least you can do is ask first, no matter whom it’s for. Get consent and ensure you’re both on the same page. In a more committed relationship, be open with your partner about what you want—or don’t want—when it comes to your SMS foreplay. If you want more sexting, ask for it: “I think it would be so sexy if you sent me a naughty picture while I’m running errands. Do you want to try to surprise me?”

If you do not want that kind of content, be clear about that, too. (“Hey, when I’m at work, I’m not really in the right mindset for that kind of thing. Can we reserve intimate time for when we’re alone together?”) You can also make it known you do not enjoy sexting at all, at any time, and would prefer to strengthen your sexual connection in other ways.

If your partner isn’t into what you’re into, take it all into consideration. Talk it through. Perhaps you are sexually incompatible—and that’s a larger conversation. So have it—don’t go behind their back and sext others. It’s better to break up or find a middle ground together than to be another horny, cheating statistic.


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Sexting and Relationship Satisfaction | Psychology Today

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It is no secret that sexting has increased significantly with the increased use of technology. Texting and sexting styles certainly enter into just about every relationship. The question of whether or not sexting is beneficial or detrimental to a relationship seems to be an unanswered one.

Perhaps sexting/texting style has little impact on the quality of relationships, but this seems unlikely. Additionally, sexting style and individual characteristics must be connected. The question is how. We are all curious about the answers to these questions, yes?

Well, we have good news. A study by Galovan et al. (2018) shed a bright light on some of the very complicated but interesting relationships between sexting/texting styles and relationship satisfaction and individual characteristics.

The population for this study was a group of 615 Canadians and Americans ages 18-85 in committed relationships. The group was broken down by their sexting style into four subgroups which included non-sexters, word-only sexters, frequent sexters, and hyper sexters. Interestingly, most individuals fell into the non-sexting group, followed by the word-only sexting group.

The groups were defined by the researchers as:

  • Non-sexters who reported never or rarely sending or receiving sexually explicit texts.
  • Word-only sexters reported sending and receiving sexually explicit messages in words only a few times per week. Additionally, they reported rarely sending or receiving nude and/or nearly nude pictures.
  • Frequent sexters reported sending and receiving sexually explicit word texts slightly more than a few times per week. Similarly, they reported sending and receiving nude or nearly nude pictures slightly less than a few times per week.
  • Hyper sexters were those who reported sending and receiving sexually explicit word texts and nude/nearly nude pictures either daily or many times per day.

The relationships between sexting styles and relationship satisfaction, and other relationship characteristics were then examined. Surprisingly, frequent and hyper texters reported a level of relationship satisfaction that did not differ from the non or word-only sexters. However, sexual satisfaction was significantly better in the group of frequent and hyper sexters than in the groups of non and word-only sexters.

Regarding other individual and relationship characteristics, frequent and hyper sexters scored higher than non and word-only sexters on measures of ambivalence about the relationship and reported lower levels of relationship commitment.

They also reported higher levels of relationship conflict. Levels of self-esteem and depression did not appear to differ among the different groups. Furthermore, those who sexted more frequently appeared to have greater difficulties with attachment issues, including attachment avoidance and attachment anxiety.

Some of the most important results of this study were related to sexting style and media use. Sexters were more likely than non-sexters to view pornography. Not surprisingly, the sexting group was most likely to use media overall. Sexters were more likely to permit technology to interfere in their relationships. This was labeled as technology interference or technoference by the researchers. This refers to checking phones and other forms of media during time spent together.

Finally, sexters were more likely to be involved in infidelity-related behavior on social media. This refers to sharing intimate information on social media with those outside of the relationship and to discomfort with having partners access their social media behavior with others.

The results of this study certainly reveal the differences among the various types of sexters. Keep in mind, though, that there are limitations in this study. The data were collected by self-report measures, and self-reporters tend to underreport. The data is correlational, and therefore directionality is unclear. Finally, sexting was looked at in committed relationships only.

Further studies should focus on how sexting affects the development of relationships.