Tag: Turned

Why We’re Sometimes Turned On By People We Hate

No Comments

Source: 123RF/kebox

When you fantasize about sex, who do you usually think about? When I survey people about this, more often than not, they mention current partners, exes, and close friends. It’s not uncommon for the occasional celebrity crush to be mentioned, too.

So, by and large, when specific people appear in our fantasies, we usually imagine others we like or feel positively about. But what about people we dislike, even hate? How often do they become the object of desire in our fantasies?

In the survey of 4,175 American adults I conducted for my book Tell Me What You Want, I inquired about this, and here’s what I found.

How Many People Fantasize About Hated Individuals?

Overall, 31% of adults said they’d had a sexual fantasy before about someone they hate, with 3% saying this is something they fantasize about often. So it’s not uncommon for people to have ever had this fantasy, but it appears to be relatively rare for a hated individual to be a recurring character in one’s sexual fantasies.

Whether people had fantasized about a hated person depended on both their gender and sexuality to some degree:

  • 18% of heterosexual women had fantasized about this before, with 1% fantasizing about it often.
  • 31% of heterosexual men had fantasized about this before, with 4% fantasizing about it often.
  • 35% of lesbian and bisexual women had fantasized about this before, with 4% fantasizing about it often.
  • 35% of gay and bisexual men had fantasized about this before, with 3% fantasizing about it often.
  • 31% of trans and non-binary people had fantasized about this before, with 4% fantasizing about it often.

As you can see, fantasizing about someone you hate is more common among men and gender-diverse people than it is among women, and it’s also more common among non-heterosexual compared to heterosexual people.

Why We Fantasize About People We Hate

So why do people sometimes fantasize about someone they hate? Who’s most likely to do this? I looked to see how these fantasies are connected to other types of fantasies people might have as well as their personality traits, and here’s what I discovered.

These fantasies were linked to having more BDSM fantasies in general, but particularly fantasies about dominance and sadism. Thus, some people may find the idea of a hated fantasy partner arousing because, in that scenario, they have some degree of power or control over the hated individual or can inflict pain on them. At the same time, however, these fantasies were also linked to more masochism fantasies, suggesting that sex with a hated person may sometimes be a way that some people inflict pain on themselves.

Related to what I said about masochism, these fantasies were also linked to having lower self-esteem. Again, this suggests that for some folks, fantasizing about a hated partner may be a form of self-punishment. Some may feel as though they don’t deserve a partner who loves or respects them.

The Role of Personality and Attachment Style

These fantasies were linked to being lower on the personality trait of agreeableness, which refers to having less care and concern for the well-being of others. By contrast, those who are highly agreeable had more fantasies about current partners and people they like. This finding may partly explain the gender difference between heterosexual men and women: Several studies have found that women tend to be higher on agreeableness than men.

People higher in attachment avoidance (meaning those who are less comfortable with emotional intimacy) had more fantasies about people they hate. These folks had less emotional content in their fantasies in general, which may open the door to fantasizing about a wider range of partners, including disliked persons or individuals they don’t personally feel close to. Related to this, those with an unrestricted sociosexual orientation (that is, those who see sex and love as separable) fantasied more about people they hate. These folks may find it easier to check their emotions at the door.

Persons with more sensation-seeking tendencies had more fantasies about people they hate. For these individuals, fantasizing about a hated person might add a certain thrill because it’s something they’re not “supposed” to do. Sex with a despised individual is one way to flirt with sexual taboos, and we know that doing something taboo or forbidden is a popular theme in our fantasies in general.

Those with overactive imaginations also had more fantasies about people they hate. This makes sense because these individuals fantasized more about almost everyone and everything.


What all of this tells us is that, while we’re far more likely to fantasize about partners we love or like than those we hate, it’s not uncommon for someone disliked or even despised to appear in a sexual fantasy.

However, different people seem to have these kinds of fantasies for very different reasons. As with pretty much every other type of sexual fantasy, diverse psychological roots exist. It may sometimes reveal something about how someone feels about themselves—but it can also be about a desire to mix pleasure and pain, to add an element of thrill, or simply because you don’t see love and sex as necessarily going together. Yet other times, these fantasies can just be the product of a wandering mind.

One other potential possibility is that strong feelings of anger or dislike for someone else can potentially amplify sexual attraction. Social psychologists have long known that strong emotions can be mistaken for sexual arousal.

So if you’ve ever fantasized about someone you hate, you’re definitely not alone—and there are any number of possible reasons the thought might have crossed your mind, so avoid the temptation to overinterpret it.


Categories: Reviews

Tags: , ,

More women than men turned on by ‘aggressive’ porn: study

No Comments

What women want isn’t as plain as it seems.

Female fans of pornography are watching more violence against women on film than men, a recent study revealed.

Nevertheless, both women and men preferred aggressive sexual content when performed consensually, as a vast majority of pornography viewers — 95% of women and 97% of men — are only aroused when they know they’re watching willing participants, PsyPost reported on Tuesday.

“The majority of viewers, both men and women, preferred not to watch aggression in pornographic videos, especially non-consensual aggression,” researcher Eran Shor, a professor of sociology at McGill University, told PsyPost, on research published last year in the Archives of Sexual Behavior.

“Still, among those who did say that they enjoyed displays of aggression, including rougher aggression, somewhat surprisingly women were a majority,” Scor continued. “Women were more likely to report being aroused by aggression, actively seeking aggression and wanting to see more aggression in mainstream pornography.”

Schor’s team recruited 122 anonymous porn users — 61 women, 60 men and one gender-diverse, who shared an average age of 25 — for in-depth audio interviews to explore their preferences and perceptions about sex and pornography.

Over half of all viewers, 53%, liked at least a little bit of aggression in porn — breaking down to 66% of women and 40% of men. Women, too, were more likely to go for “harder” expressions of aggression in porn and to seek it more than men — with themes such as bondage, discipline, dominance, submission and sadomasochism.

Notably, women also reported more feelings of shame and guilt regarding their more violent preferences. They also frequently shared that they had no interest in experiencing such acts personally, preferring only to watch. At the same time, many men reported feelings of discomfort while watching BDSM, according to investigators, underscoring that men are apparently no more interested in aggressive sex than women.

“One important thing is to be careful not to mix fantasy and real-life desires,” Shor explained. “Many women (and men) who found aggression arousing clearly stressed that they would not want to experience or try the acts they enjoyed on the screen in their own sex life. They emphasized that it was the visual representation of a fantasy that allowed them to feel aroused, while at the same time maintaining a sense of comfort and safety.”

Shor further asserted to PsyPost that “very little attention has been given … to female viewers, their preferences and their desires.”

“I noticed that much of the literature talked about aggression in mainstream pornography as a growing phenomenon (my findings show that this is not the case), claiming that this is driven by men’s desires for domination over women,” he explained.

The results seem counterproductive to the work of some feminist advocates, who believe that aggressive porn involving female victims leads to acceptance of domestic violence among men in the real world — which previous research has supported.

“That said, I think that the common tendency to ignore, belittle, sanction, or stigmatize women’s sexual preferences when these do not conform to some feminist expectations is problematic,” Schor said. “This tendency promotes moral judgment and stigma, resulting in feelings of guilt and shame among women who hold a preference for viewing aggression or acts of dominance in pornography.”


Categories: Reviews

Tags: , , , , ,

‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ has been turned into an ‘unburnable’ book

No Comments

Written by Megan C. Hills

Margaret Atwood’s “The Handmaid’s Tale” has often provoked controversy, facing book bans over the decades since its release in 1985.

Now in efforts to raise awareness around increasing censorship and a surge in book-banning efforts in American schools, Atwood and publisher Penguin Random House have released a single “unburnable” copy of the seminal novel, a dystopian tale about a theocracy that forces fertile women to bear children for the privileged.

And it’s been tested by Atwood with an actual flamethrower.

“I never thought I’d be trying to burn one of my own books… and failing,” she wrote on Twitter, adding it was her “first time” using the device.

Margaret Atwood using a flamethrower on the “unburnable” version of “The Handmaid’s Tale.” Credit: Sotheby’s

The fireproof version is being auctioned by Sotheby’s New York on Wednesday with a high estimate of $100,000. Proceeds will go towards PEN America, a literary and free expression advocacy organization, which recently released a report finding that 1,586 books were banned in US schools over a nine-month period from July 1, 2021 to March 31, 2022.
Texas led the country with the most book bans — 713 — affecting 16 school districts, the report said. Last year the state’s governor Greg Abbott called on school boards to remove books he described as “pornography.” Pennsylvania and Florida had 456 and 204 bans, respectively. PEN America defines a book ban as “any action taken against a book based on its content” that leads to the removal or restriction of a previously accessible title.
“The Handmaid’s Tale” was among titles targeted for sexual or health-related content, while a “disproportionate” number of bans focused on stories relating to LGBTQ+ people and people of color, according to PEN America. Such bans reflect a broader conservative movement to restrict how subjects like race, gender and sexual orientation are taught in public schools.

Upon first glance, the special edition looks like any other printed paper-and-ink work, but it is made of nickel wire, stainless steel, aluminum and fire-resistant inks. It was created by the graphic arts studio The Gas Company Inc. and creative agency Rethink.

“‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ has been banned many times,” Atwood said in a press release announcing the sale. “Let’s hope we don’t reach the stage of wholesale book burnings, as in ‘Fahrenheit 451’,” she added, referencing the acclaimed 1953 novel in which books are destroyed to preserve a totalitarian version of America. “But if we do, let’s hope some books will prove unburnable — that they will travel underground, as prohibited books did in the Soviet Union.”

Suzanne Nossel, the CEO of PEN America, added, “In the face of a determined effort to censor and silence, this unburnable book is an emblem of our collective resolve to protect books, stories and ideas from those who fear and revile them. We are thankful to be able to deploy the proceeds of this auction to fortify this unprecedented fight for books.”


Categories: Reviews

Tags: , , , ,

Teacher Turned XXX OnlyFans Star Courtney Tillia Brushes Off Criticism by Colleagues & Parents; Reveals She Often Plays Teacher-Student Sex Fantasy in Her Content

No Comments

XXX platform, OnlyFans has become a legit career option for many where people earn a lot of money by offering membership of sexy, nude, hot images and videos to fans. Many people have even left their low-paying jobs to mint a lot of money via XXX content. However, the stigma attached to OnlyFans doesn’t seem to go anywhere. Just recently, the teacher turned OnlyFans XXX star revealed that parents and colleagues accuse her of turning kids into “temptation”. The XXX OnlyFans star is named Courtney Tillia and she shares her hardships related to the super HOT career.  The former special ed teacher told the Daily Star: “I’ve heard of teacher forums and parent groups, who are typically the very religious, criticising me. I’ve never seen these myself, but I have friends who have shared that they saw I was the topic of discussion in certain Facebook groups.”

She further says, “Apparently, the teachers believe I’m disrespecting and decreasing the profession while the parents somehow think that their children would be exposed to temptation or immodesty. I have tremendous respect for fellow teachers and the profession – and I don’t think my personal expression and fun has anything to do with their job or the reverence we should have for teachers.”

That is not it, she also talks about the teacher-student sex fantasy and says: “The teacher/school fantasy is very real and I love playing with that in my content.” If you are still wondering what OnlyFans is, let us tell you that it is a portal where you can subscribe to XXX content by specific people. The XXX website, OnlyFans just like Pornhub.com thrived in the year 2020 during the COVID-19 lockdown as people lost their means to earn money.  Although it has faced its share of flak as well, the XXX site OnlyFans was recently under investigation by the Australian authorities over fears of being used as a medium for trafficking drugs, laundering money and exploiting children. OnlyFans doesn’t traditionally provide porn like Pornhub.com or xnxx.com.  OnlyFans usage spiked up with even celebs like Cardi B Mia, Khalifa, Bella Thorne, Tyler Posey, and Blac Chyna coming closer to fans. And while one of the most popular names would be the racer-turned-porn star, Renee Gracie who is very popular on OnlyFans, the list is never-ending.  

(The above story first appeared on LatestLY on May 25, 2022 08:58 AM IST. For more news and updates on politics, world, sports, entertainment and lifestyle, log on to our website latestly.com).